


5. Too Much To Ask

by brokxnharry



Series: Teen Wolf Challenge (Niall Horan Album) [5]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Cora Hale & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski Break Up, Derek Has Issues, Eloping, Heartbreak, Hospitalized Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Peter Hale Being an Asshole, Protective Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Song: Too Much to Ask (Niall Horan), Songfic, Stiles Stilinski Has Panic Attacks, Wedding gone wrong, cora and scott are friends, everyone is protective of stiles, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-12 14:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19574497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokxnharry/pseuds/brokxnharry
Summary: It was supposed to be their wedding day. Only, Derek never showed. He didn't even leave a note.





	5. Too Much To Ask

**Author's Note:**

> The gif used is not my own so if you know/are the owner, please let me know so that I can give you proper credit :)

Stiles was unaware of the sheriff's eyes on him; worried and regretful, awaiting some sort of collapse, a complete unfolding. He was unaware of Scott's hands on his back; comforting even when Stiles didn't need them to be yet. But he was aware of the clock continuing to tick like it was trying to take away any chance of them ever catching up. He was aware of the tie around his neck, suffocating and restrictive, like it was trying to push him further into that panic attack he seemed to be having. He was aware of the sweat in his palms and on his forehead and the way his eyes couldn't look away from the door even though it hadn't moved since Cora had walked out of it, in search of Derek.

" He'll be here, don't worry." He thought he heard someone reassure, just as the door reopened, and in came Cora, looking absolutely wrecked, like the world had just crashed and burned around her. Perhaps it had. It felt like it was, right in that moment.

Stiles' feet started moving before he could dwell on the tremble in his knees, the weakness in all his limbs. Scott started running, wanting to catch up, to shield Stiles from what he could see coming, what he could feel, deep within that pit in his stomach, that felt like it was about to swallow them whole, chew right through them and spit them out. But Stiles pulled away every time Scott tried to hold him back, and then he was standing in front of Cora, asking her about Derek, if she'd found him, if he was okay. Cora started shaking her head before Scott could do anything to stop her, and Stiles breathed in so weakly, Scott thought he'd stopped breathing at all.

" What? Did something happen? Cora, what the fuck is happening?"

" Stiles," Cora whined, hands over her mouth, like she didn't want the words to come out, didn't want to have to break right through Stiles, crack him so wide open, he'd have trouble ever feeling whole again.

" Please, just – just tell me. What's wrong with Derek? How bad is it?" Stiles wiped at his face, feeling like he was coming apart, like he was losing everything he'd ever wanted, after coming so close to having it all. They were so fucking close.

" He left. No – no note, nothing. I don't know where he could have gone. Why would he do that? What the fuck was he thinking?" Stiles blinked, his mind unable to process any of what was being said to him, like it was delaying the inevitable, trying to block it out long enough for Stiles to be anywhere near strong enough to handle it.

" Wait. What – what do you mean he left? He – we're getting **_married_** , he wouldn't do that to me. No, no, we need to look again, he's probably in one of the bathrooms, or – "

" Stiles, we looked, everywhere," All Cora needed, was for her hand to fall against Stiles' arm, with the weakest grasp, and he folded onto her, trying to breathe and failing miserably, any air coming out of him forming into cries that he buried into her shoulder, " The car isn't there either. He's gone."

Between the inhumane sounds falling past Stiles' lips, and the general tremble to his figure that was so intense, it looked like he was convulsing, and his scent – God, his scent that was souring from misery to something like utter devastation, the werewolves around him almost clawed their own eyes, just to avoid having to witness this unraveling of a person.

Scott was the first to notice Stiles' grip loosening around Cora, his bones unlocking like he was giving up.

" Stiles? Are you okay?" He stepped closer, putting a hand to his back, just as he started falling, slipping away like he'd been barely put together, like he'd been stuck to something and was viciously torn from it, peeled away.

" I don't feel good." Stiles whispered, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, everything about him coming to a standstill.

" Shit, he's out. We – we need to get him to a hospital." Scott had his hand cushioning Stiles' head, his other hand on his chest, tracing his heartbeat to make sure it was still there.

" Here, let me," Cora leaned down, started collecting Stiles' legs, when the sheriff stepped in, silently shaking his head as he carried his son, tried not to mourn him like he'd lost him, even though he felt like a big chunk of him was gone, taken away.

" Sheriff, your back, I can do it,"

" I've got him. Tell everyone to go home and meet me at the hospital." The sheriff shut down any and all attempts of intervention, walking away without a second glance at any of them. Melissa appeared like she'd been waiting to be of use, followed behind but made sure to leave a bit of space between them. She didn't want to crowd him, didn't want to push him into the world that continued to move and turn and rush right past them, cut right through them, disregarding the one world that had just imploded, broken down to so many pieces without any of them mattering.

" Everybody, listen up. Both grooms seem to have eaten something that wasn't all that good so they're not well enough to make it. Feel free to go to the reception area, have some food if you want, and then you can head home. Sorry for the inconvenience." Scott announced to the awaiting crowd. He walked out of the hall before anyone could ask him about things he didn't know and didn't want to think about. He rubbed a hand down his face as soon as he was out, no longer within hearing range. Lydia, Malia, Cora, Kira, and Isaac joined him, each of them in as much distress as he was. Liam, Mason, Corey and Chris stayed behind to make sure everything went smoothly with the remaining guests, so that none of them would attempt to bother the sheriff.

" What are we going to **_do_**?" Scott whined, wounded and frustrated and terrified of what would wake up in that hospital, what would come out of his best friend. Lydia leaned into his side, resting her head against his shoulder, tightening her arms around his waist.

" We need to get to the hospital, be there with Stiles when he wakes up. He's going to need as many people in his corner as possible." Isaac spoke, trying to remain composed, in control even when everything else was going to shit.

" Yeah, you're right. But some of us need to look for Derek. I want to know why he did what he did. I can't fucking **_believe_** he left like that. He didn't contact any of you? Cora?" Scott eyed Cora, accusation in his eyes, although he knew that she didn’t deserve it. It wasn't on her. But he was just so angry and didn't know what to do about it.

" No, Scott, of course he didn't. You don't seriously think I had anything to do with it, do you?" She wiped at her eyes when she felt herself starting to come a little loose. Scott's eyes softened, his anger fading slightly away.

" No, I don't. I'm sorry, Cora. It's just – so shitty."

" Yeah. Tell me about it." Cora crossed her arms against her chest, wiping her face against her shoulder every time she felt more tears coming.

" Okay, so Malia and Cora will go look for Derek? And the rest of us – "

" I want to be with Stiles." Cora interrupted, hands still struggling to contain the impending breakdown, struggling to cover up all the holes in the dam that felt like it was about to give, any minute.

" Alright, fine, Isaac and Malia, you go look for Derek, Cora, Kira, Lydia and I will go to the hospital. Keep us updated, and we'll do the same." Isaac and Malia nodded, Malia walked away, pissed off and trying not to take it out on anyone, Isaac patted Cora's arm, left before breaking her any further apart.

" Babe, can you take Lydia and wait for us in the car? I need a minute with Cora." Kira nodded understandingly, leaned in for a quick hug to Scott, before walking out of the church with Lydia. Scott sighed as soon as the door closed behind them, his eyes redirected towards Cora, who was still avoiding him at all cost.

" I'm sorry, I know I was out of line and pissy for no reason. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

" Yeah. I know. It's fine, can we go now?"

" Cora," Scott stepped closer, just as she started to buckle, unable to even try to keep her shit together anymore. She was sad and she was scared and she didn't know how to keep it in.

" Don't cry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm an asshole." Scott wrapped her into his arms, his chin rested on the top of her head, their bodies swaying a little, like he was trying to coax her into composure.

" It's not you. I just – this is my brother, and my best friend, and I – I don't understand why this is happening. I don't know what it means. I don't want Stiles to hate me and – "

" He won't. None of us will, Cora. You're your own person, and you've done so much for us. Just because – what Derek did has nothing to do with you, okay? We know who you are and we love you, outside of Derek. It's going to be okay." Cora nodded, allowed herself to be held by Scott for a few more minutes, before she pulled away, wiped at her face and willed herself not to cry anymore.

" I just wish we knew where to find him." Scott said under his breath.

" We can report the car. It's a rental and the contract was signed by Stiles. I'm sure the sheriff can speed things along too."

" That's actually a great idea. Why didn't I think of that?" Scott was already taking his phone out, calling Parrish since he was the one in charge of the station with the sheriff being out.

" Do you really need an answer to that?" Cora joked, earning a playful shove from Scott, who put his arm across her shoulder, guiding her to the car.

When they got to the hospital, they managed to find the sheriff and Melissa easily, since almost everybody knew them. The sheriff and Melissa were leaned against one another, you couldn't tell who was more in need of support, but you **_could_** tell that they were both willing to offer as much of it as they possibly could, and then some.

" How is he?" Lydia was the first to ask.

" Physically he's okay, or, he's going to be okay. His BP was through the roof and his heartbeat wasn't that stable either, but those are all psychologically induced symptoms. The doctor said that he was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown, so they're monitoring him for 24 hours and then they'll see if he needs something… more extensive or not." Melissa explained, trying to soften the blow of the scary-sounding words.

" What? No, mom, this is – can we see him? I need to see him, tell him that we're all here."

" No, baby, I'm sorry, they're not allowing any visitors until tomorrow night at the very least. I was just telling John to go home, but we thought we'd wait till you came and we gave you the updates."

" But, we can't just leave him here, mom. He – we have to do **_something_**. Fuck, what do we do?" Melissa sighed, held her son's face in her hands, and leaned her forehead against his.

" I'll tell you what to do. You drive John and I to their house, and then you go out there and find Derek and bring Stiles the closure he needs to move on. We have to be strong for him, Scott. He **_is_** going to be okay but he is going to need.. time. And people. People who will stay with him and remind him that he **_is_** loved, even if it's not by Derek anymore." Scott shuddered, a broken breath falling past his lips, as he lifted his hands and covered his mother's, overwhelmed with gratitude for all the loving she taught him how to do, for all the love she poured into him.

" Yeah. You're right. I love you, mom." He pushed himself further into her embrace until he was feeling 10 again, hiding in his mother's arms until his father stopped yelling, until the world stopped feeling so endless and out of control. She still loved him now the way she loved him back then and he didn't know how Stiles ever made it through without his own mother, without that kind of love.

" Love you too, kiddo. Now, John doesn't want to leave either, so he's going to need a bit of persuasion, okay? Come on, help me get him home." And just like that, Scott switched back into that composed, present, strong being that they needed him to be. He talked to the sheriff until he sighed out his agreement, allowed him to pat his back and leave his hand there all the way to the car.

They all got to the Stilinski home, Melissa and Kira started on some dinner, and they all just hung out, in their wedding attire, like something so terrible hadn't just happened, like they weren't all a little more heartbroken than they were that morning. They ate together, then Scott went to Stiles' room to grab a few things that he thought he would need – just to make himself feel useful somehow. Lydia, Kira and Cora took off their heels and grabbed a couple of blankets because it seemed to be getting cold outside, and then they were all ready to go, leaving the sheriff and Melissa alone, until the sheriff was ready to head back to the station and continue the search from there.

It was barely an hour of aimlessly driving around before Cora got the call from Isaac that the cops had gotten Derek and that he was already at the station now. Scott immediately turned the car around, called the sheriff in case the news hadn't gotten to him yet – which it had, and he was already on his way there. Scott was the first to pounce, almost delivering a punch to Derek's face, before Isaac and Cora caught each of his arms, pushing him back until he wasn't losing his mind with rage.

" Let me go." Scott tried to snatch his arms away, and this time, they let him. His chest was heaving with so much fury, he had to look away from Derek before he clawed him right open.

" How the fuck could you do this, Derek? Huh? Why would you do that?" Kira questioned, angry for Stiles and angry for Scott and just – so fucking angry.

" I – I don't – Cora, you – " Derek was searching for a way out, **_any_** way out, and they weren't having it. He could tell from the minute shake of Cora's head, and how she took steps further away from him, and closer to Scott, that he was losing more than just Stiles. He was losing everything.

" The sheriff is pulling up, you have less than a minute before he's here, and we won't be able to help you then. We won't even try to. So, you better start talking, Derek, or so help me – " Scott threatened, although, Derek didn't really need him to. He was already on the verge of throwing everything out into the world, and seeing if it could do any better with it than he did. It probably could. He couldn't imagine anything ever being worse than this.

Derek barely had the time to let out the first deep breath he'd been able to take since that morning, before the sheriff was pushing his way into his office, haphazardly and desperately at first, then as soon as his eyes fell on Derek, they hardened, instantly closing the sheriff off, shutting him down, away from Derek. Derek hated the bitter taste of loss at the back of his throat, felt slightly nauseous with its immense presence, couldn't imagine being able to swallow it away any time soon.

" Sheriff, I – " The sheriff put a hand in the air, silencing Derek who still didn't know how to navigate this, didn't know what to say – if there was anything **_to_** say. The sheriff sat down on his desk, pulled his chair in, waited till Melissa's hand rested on his shoulder, settled there, left an imprint of her warmth, before he could dig down deep enough to find his voice, to verbalize anything at all.

" I can't think of anything that can be said here, but I am still curious to hear what possible reason you might have to abandoning my **_son_** – " The sheriff paused, his voice failing him, his hands betraying him with their tremble, but he pushed through, couldn't stop there. " My son, Derek. So, tell me what you've got, and make it fast because we all have lives to go back to. Lives that no longer involve you, maybe, never should have." Derek's senses filled up with the disappointment he could hear in the sheriff's voice, could smell on his sister. He felt like he might rupture, might burst and overflow with so much horridness, the type of horridness he hadn't felt since his family had burned down, hadn't thought he could feel something so bad again, but in that moment, everything felt so much worse than it'd ever been. **_So_** much worse.

" Peter came to my room this morning," Groans erupted in the room, some more aggressive than others, " He – he'd been against this whole thing with Stiles from the very beginning, but this morning, it was different. The things he said, it was just – a lot. He started talking about mom and Paige and what – what I'd done and how Stiles was human too and that I might feel the need to turn him some time in the future to, to have him for myself, in that way, and – I would never do that to Stiles, would never do anything like that again, but what if – what if I just lost control one day and did it? What if I ended up wanting to change who he is, what he takes the most pride in? What if this is just now, and tomorrow, we wake up and we don't know why we ever thought we could spend a lifetime together?" Derek shrugged, like there were too many versions of things falling apart in his head and so many less of them actually working out, like he'd seen all the ways Stiles would end up hating him and started to believe he'd never loved him at all, like he'd already admitted defeat. The sheriff nodded, too exhausted to form an expression that would suffice.

" I want you out of my town by tomorrow,"

" Sheriff – "

" John – "

" No. You're going to pack up everything you own, liquidate your house and the loft, grab your car and drive the hell away. And don't look back, Derek. Don't ever think about driving back here, and if the thought crosses your mind, if you ever start to wonder, remind yourself that you've made your choices, and we've made ours, and this time – this time, there's no coming back from that. There's no second chances, no grand speeches, no promises. There's nothing for you here. I never want to see you again. Get out of my face, I can't even look at you." The sheriff stood, brushed past Derek and almost lost his balance, so visibly agonized over having to lose someone he'd considered a son for so long, had gotten used to having around, to counting on. Derek's hand went to aid, to support, but the sheriff pushed right past him, like Derek was already gone to him. _Shit, are you okay?_ was the last thing he heard, followed by a whispered _just get me out_ _of here_ from the sheriff, and then the door was closing and Cora was looking at him like he'd ripped something away from her, set fire to something she'd thought she'd keep forever.

" Cora, I'm sorry, I – "

" It – it doesn't matter anymore. Why are you apologizing to me anyway? I'm not – I love you, Derek, but this is – this is too big. It's too much."

" I know it is, Cora, I fucked up and I – "

" Do what the sheriff told you to do. You've put these people through enough, so just – give them what they need from you right now."

" You're not coming with me?" Derek had assumed he still had at least one person in the world that was his, that he hadn't yet shared with Stiles. But looking at Cora now, seeing what he saw in her eyes, he knew she was more Stiles' than she was his, and that – killed him a little.

" I have something here. I'm part of something and I – I won't leave Stiles. I won't do this to him, to any of them. What you did today, that was your choice, Derek. It wasn't mine."

" But – you're **_my_** sister." Derek suddenly felt territorial, like something was being taken away from him and it didn't feel like it was on his terms and he thought he was done losing things without his consent.

" I am. And that's not going to change. I'm not saying we won't talk or that I'm cutting you out of my life, that's not what I'm doing here, but right now, your sister is pissed at you and she needs a bit of time and space. I mean, this has only just happened, Derek, and Stiles is in the hospital and – "

" Wait, what do you mean? What's wrong with him?"

" He collapsed when he realized you left. Had one hell of a panic attack. The doctors are saying he's on the verge of a mental breakdown, that he might need more extreme measures, like, a mental institution or – "

" No, no, no, no. Fuck, no. This wasn't supposed to happen like that. He – I didn't mean for this shit to happen, Cora. I never meant to hurt him like that." Cora could see it in her brother's eyes; he truly didn't see things playing out like that, he really did believe in his heart that he was doing it for Stiles' sake, for his own good. And if Cora felt heartbroken before, this was a whole new level of heartbreak that she was not prepared for.

" I think you should see him, one last time before you leave. I think – he needs closure. You can't just leave him like this, he will never get over it, will never get through it. He needs to know what happened, why you did what you did, and whether those reasons are valid to him or not, is a completely different story, but you need to at least let him know. Also, I'm sure you need to check up on him or you'll drive yourself mad thinking about it." Cora stepped closer for the first time since they'd all walked into that office, she circled her arms around her brother's waist, and held herself to him. He didn't know why but the finality in the air was suffocating. Everything felt like it was happening for the very last time.

" The sheriff won't even let me anywhere near him."

" Let me talk to him. When he cools off, he'll realize it's the right thing to do." And Derek believed the promise in her voice, not only because her heart was steady and certain, but because he needed to. Then, as desperately as she'd neared, she pulled away, and left the room without a second glance. She didn't know if she'd be able to bear it a second time.

They all headed back to the hospital, impatient and anxious and still reeling from the loss. Liam and the group that was left at the church were already filling up the waiting room. Melissa went to talk to the doctors, giving Cora the chance to approach the sheriff. It went about as bad as she'd thought it would. He started yelling almost as soon as Derek's name fell out of Cora's mouth, and then Scott joined in too, and soon, it felt like it was Cora against the world, so she lashed out. After more yelling from both sides – accompanied by tears that no one dared to address – the sheriff fell back into his chair, speaking his fear out loud, facing the fact that he came so close to losing Stiles all together, because he lost Derek. And the sheriff didn't know how to forgive that yet.

" I know he's my brother, but I'm not suggesting this for his own good, sheriff. I just can't imagine Stiles letting this go without some answers. And I'd hate for him to waste himself away trying to find them."

" Stiles' has this.. thing with abandonment. He's a great kid but he lost so much when he was still **_so_** young. Between his mom dying so early on and how I – where I went after, he has this blind fear of people leaving him. He almost always expects it. I mean, even when he and Scott kind of drifted apart, he always talked like there was no coming back from that, like he'd already lost Scott, for good, and that's Scott we're talking about here. Like, he's been more consistent in Stiles' life than anyone. But Derek was the one person he was so sure of. He built all those plans around him staying and he just – he left him, did the one fucking thing Stiles feared most. Do you really think some bullshit excuses would make it make sense in his mind? Do you think he'd ever let himself count on anyone again? Do you think he'd believe in anything like he did in Derek?"

" I don't know, sheriff," Cora sighed, leaned in closer, rested her head against the sheriff's shoulder, for her own comfort but also for his, " I don't know how to fix this. I don't know if it's going to be enough. Hell, I don't know who Stiles would be after all of this, but the Stiles that I do know, looks for answers as a job, made a life out of it, so I can't imagine him being okay with not getting them, especially when it comes to.. to this."

" Yeah. You're right. I know you mean well, I'm sorry for doubting you, okay? I'm just stressed." The sheriff lifted his hand, laid it on Cora's head and patted her like she'd done good. Cora almost crumbled with the crashing waves of relief that came with his touch, having found something in the sheriff that had been burned out of her life, that in her heart, she feared losing again. But as the sheriff moved his head enough to plant a kiss to the top of her head, she let herself believe that she could have that, for as long as she wanted it.

They were let in to see Stiles almost 40 hours after the wedding. The sheriff went in first, then Cora and Scott, then the rest of them in groups of 2 to 3 people at a time. Stiles didn't really speak much, most of the time, he closed his eyes and pretended to be sleeping, knowing that they'd hear it in his heartbeat that he really wasn't. He had little headspace to think any of it through. He just knew that he was tired, didn't have it in him to face the music quite yet.

The doctors said that physically he was stable, healthy, but psychologically, it was a different story. They sent in a specialist to evaluate him and determine if he'd need to stay in a mental institution, she decided that he didn't, but that he still couldn't be sent home because he needed to remain under observation for at least 3 days. Also, he wasn't really eating on his own, so they needed to keep him nourished through the IVs. After that specialist left, Cora called Derek, gave him the updates and told him to come, that the sheriff had reluctantly agreed. So he came, walked into that waiting room and found that he didn't belong, so he went straight to Stiles' room, braced himself for what was to come before opening the door.

Stiles looked… drained. Like something had been sucked out of him. Like those tubes were taking away from him instead of giving him and Derek wanted to rip it all out of him, wanted to take him out of there – take it all back. Stiles lifted his eyes to look at Derek, but not his head, his lips minutely moved like he was trying to smile but couldn't commit.

" Jesus Christ, Stiles, look at – fuck, I'm so sorry. Are you listening to me? I'm **_sorry_**." Stiles' head shook once, as he turned to his side, covered himself up with the blanket like he was trying to hide. And Derek thought of him just a few days ago, so bright-looking and radiant, like nothing could ever go wrong, like nothing ever had. Stiles had smiled at something Derek had said and Derek had sworn, he'd never leave this man. He really never saw himself leaving or – losing. And he did. He left, and God did he lose.

" Stiles, please, I – isn't there anything you want to know? Don't you have anything to say to me?" Stiles remained silent, like he couldn't find it in himself to think of anything to say even if he wanted to, like he wasn't all there or maybe like Derek wasn't there at all.

Derek moved around the bed, pulled the chair closer and sat down, his hands hovering around Stiles, not knowing what to do or how not to hold, until they fell against his shoulder and he shoved them away – the first actual reaction Derek managed to pull out of Stiles.

" Stiles, say something, please, I can't see you like this. I know you're mad, and I know I fucked up, but I – ask me anything, I'll tell you whatever you need to know." Stiles closed his eyes, although they barely came anywhere near Derek. Derek opened his mouth, almost spewed up a bunch of useless words, but then Stiles said something under his breath.

" What were you thinking?" Stiles' voice was barely audible, scratchy and weak and unwilling.

" What?"

" I want to know what you were thinking." Stiles repeated, a certain edge to him now. So, Derek told him his version of the story; everything from Peter's warnings to his visit on the day of the wedding to Derek's fears and doubts that he failed to share or acknowledge until it was all too late.

" Why couldn't you just tell me? What, do you think I would have forced you into marriage?"

" No, Stiles, I – I didn't need to be forced. I want you to know that until the very last moment, I was all in. I had no previous intention to elope and leave you behind. I had no master plan to embarrass you and break your heart. I just – I am always so scared of losing you, so lost as to why you would ever love me, would want to stay with me, and Peter was resilient and persistent and he knew exactly where to poke, and I – I just panicked and reacted and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not talking to you earlier, for letting Peter get inside my head, for thinking that you and Paige had anything in common other than me, and – I'm **_so_** sorry for letting you down, Stiles." Stiles nodded, his eyes glistening with tears, making him look so sad, so torn apart. Derek didn't think he'd ever hated himself more.

" It wasn't your call to make."

" I know that. I know we talked about me making decisions for you and - I know that I made the wrong one." Derek realized that it wasn't only the wrong call, it was the last he'd ever make a call for Stiles.

" Do you regret it?"

" Leaving? Of course I do, I – "

" Being with me. Proposing. Everything. Do you regret it?" This time, when Derek's hand went to touch Stiles, he didn't pull away.

" I would do it all again with you, Stiles. Every single time. No doubt in my mind about it, not about this."

" Is it as rough on you?"

" The roughest. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do." Stiles knew how **_hard_** Derek's hard usually was, so he scooted slightly away, patted the bed as if welcoming Derek in, one last time. Derek didn't feel like he deserved it, almost cried out in regret, but he swallowed it down, got into the bed and let Stiles hold him for a minute or two, before turning the other way around so that he was the one holding Stiles.

" How mad are they at you?" Stiles whispered, his heart slowing, eyes closing before they could see Derek leave again.

" Furious."

" Good." There was a hint of something in Stiles' voice that pulled a snort out of Derek.

" So this is really it, huh?" Stiles knew it was, knew it had to be. It just sucked.

" This is it."

" This is so fucked up."

" It is."

Derek started pulling away after an hour or so of attempting to prep himself for the agony that would come with the distance and failing miserably. Stiles shut his eyes tighter, begging the sleep to drag him so deep into his dreams, that he wouldn't have to feel this nightmare come to life. When Derek closed the door behind him, Stiles let himself go. He cried himself dry for the last time. He never cried over Derek again, even when the sun came up, and he heard Cora crying by his bed because her brother had left town, even when Malia told him that he'd fall out of love eventually, that things wouldn't feel so raw all the time, that he'd move on. He'd move on from Derek. What an odd concept that was.

Stiles left the hospital after the 3 days of observation, but he stayed home for 2 more weeks. Cora spent every night of those 2 weeks with him, compensating for something, or trying to make up for whatever she felt like she'd done wrong, Stiles didn't really know, he just felt like she needed it. He kind of needed something too, so he let her be there. He didn't have to handle anything related to the cancellation of the wedding, because Scott handled it for him. Isaac and Lydia helped him with his work. The sheriff handled everything at the station, and Melissa did the same with the hospital bills, and soon, everything started going back to – not normal, but, something that was close to it.

Sure, Stiles still had nights where he'd wake up thinking someone was by his window, that he knew he'd locked before going to sleep, but still, that irrational hope never completely died down. He didn't delete his number off his phone, although, he stopped himself from calling every single time he wanted to. He still heard the sound of his engine every time a car – any car – sped away in an action movie. There were still bits and pieces of Derek that he'd left behind without really meaning to, that Stiles had held onto.

Stiles grew a certain hatred towards weddings, but he still attended Mason's and Corey's. He still hoped that Derek would walk in and just – dance with him. He didn't expect for them to ever get back together, hell, he didn't think they'd be able to co-exist in the same place ever again, but, he couldn't help but love him, even after all this time. Even after hearing from Cora that he'd started dating again. He never got engaged though, never promised himself to anyone that wasn't Stiles. Stiles still felt a sense of pride in that, his little _fuck you_ to the world, to whatever that had torn them so carelessly apart.

Stiles never got married either. And he stopped trying to deny that it had everything to do with Derek. It did, and he was okay with that. Because he didn't fall out of love, not for a single day. And since he wasn't actively trying to chase after Derek, was it too much to ask to be left alone?


End file.
